Exaggeration Court
The court I’m thinking about could only exist in our dreams. It would be fueled by the collective guilt of people living and not, and the inner voices that scold us when we stretch the truth or make things up. These voices are usually quiet or in the background, but sometimes they can be louder than you can believe. And it’s these voices that sustain what I call the Exaggeration Court. A place where the universal arbiters of truth and accuracy always hold sway.
People rarely remember their time in the Exaggeration Court (EC), even if it takes place in dreamland. Rumor has it that’s by design. The collective unconscious conscience thing. Somehow, Freud knew about it. His appearances in the court involved the judge telling him his ideas were malarkey and to stop smoking so many cigars. Hemingway was also a regular in the manly circuit of appeal room. There, a female judge gave him credit for writing on the straight and narrow, but chastised him for being such a macho putz. And write longer sentences while you’re at it, she said.
Make no mistake, the EC is for all of us. From time to time, as we sleep and dream, we make an appearance in some chamber of the EC before one of the austere and learned judges. We’re there to answer charges of hyperbole, exaggeration, or outright fabrication. It’s like going to Catholic confession in the old days, except that no one has any hallucinations that god is involved. Further, the accused is universally accepted as both the source of and the solution to the problem. One is simply asked to own up to rubber-banding reality, especially when it comes to certain subjects including the ones listed below.
Judges for the EC are a special breed. They perpetually exist in a completely matter of fact realm. They’re also singled out as young entities and put through a rigorous training after signing an agreement, saying they will endeavor to tell the truth and describe their life experiences as accurately as possible for as long as they so shall exist. Which theoretically could be forever.
EC judges then by their nature are lonely. They have few friends other than colleagues. They are prone to wear low-key fashions in mute colors. Gray is a perennial favorite. No surprise that EC judges are also among the most boring personalities found in dreamland. After all, they are bound to the truth, which is usually banal. Even when something outlandish or shocking happens, they can only recant the facts and no more. Otherwise, from what little we can glean, here are a few of the departments in the EC.
Fish Court: one of the largest of all departments in the EC. It’s perpetually filled with smelly men wearing funny hats covered in lures and vests with dozens of pockets. On suddenly finding themselves in the ante room of the FC chamber, the accused immediately know why they’re there. One too many times of telling/boring/torturing others with stories of how the fish was “this big” or how “the big one that got away.” As in got away while they were snoozing in the chair at the back of the boat after one too many Bud Lite’s. It should be noted that the Fish Court is filled with repeat offenders. It’s like they never learn. Perhaps that’s as it should be. At least they don’t have access to the nuclear codes.
Resume Court: A perpetually overflowing department in the vast EC complex. Practically everyone makes an appearance in the RC circuit from time to time. This, after stretching dates employed or nixing a job from the resume that ended up in one getting walked Spanish to the front door by security. The good thing about the RC is that most people only make an appearance when they’re updating a CV or resume to apply for a new job. Which may also lead to an appearance in the next room.
Job Application Court: No surprise that the facilities for Resume Court and Job Application Court are adjacent. JAC is also a room in the vast EC complex where most people only make periodic appearances. Unless, of course, deeper and more serious psychological issues are involved. Regardless, those appearing before a JAC judge are shown their work record/job reference distortions and told to amend their transgressions.
Personal Experience Story Court: Everybody makes random appearances in the PESC, some more frequently than others. All having to do with times when spinning a yarn in front of friends or family with embellishments made on the fly to make the tale more enticing. Alcohol is usually involved. Judges in the PESC tend to be kinder and more lenient, reminding the accused that a story recounted using just the facts usually has enough impact without having to stretch the truth.
Career Politician Court: Career politicians practically live in the CPC their entire adult dream lives. At some point, the judges in the PC rooms have had enough, handing down harsh sentences. More often than not, those who frequent the CPC spend long stretches of their dream life cleaning the bathrooms and washing dishes in the cafeteria in the EC complex.
Pathological Liars Court: you knew this was coming. There are instances when an individual habitually distorts the truth for personal or career reasons. Said persons are condemned to spending their dream life in drab cells without amenities—and without dreams good or bad.
Notable Exceptions
By now, you’re probably thinking there must be exceptions to the rules of exaggeration. After all, certain professions rely on fabrication. Like fiction writers and story tellers. For that matter, what about little kids having an imagination? Do they all have to make an appearance in Exaggeration Court? The answer in most cases is no. Fiction writers, however, must apply in dream person for a fiction license, letting the court know their work by necessity will involve fabrication. Fantasy authors have to apply for a special license. Ditto that comic book and graphic novel writers.
As for kids, it’s a little known but important fact that we are all born with an imagination exemption clause. It’s an exemption that allows our mind to create and explore our imagination using the outer world as a launching pad. Hence why the dream world is so fertile for little kids. It’s also why restaurant people have waiter and bartending nightmares decades after leaving the floor.
Finally, you may be wondering what happens to us when we pass on in regards to the Exaggeration Court. The answer is one of several things. First, we’re conscripted to be part of the chorus of invisible internal voices that nag people to tell the truth. Also, we’ll frequent the galleries of the various EC rooms as spectators. At times, we’ll be called upon to heckle the accused in the Career Politician Court and Pathological Liars Court, which is allowed. And that’s no lie.
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