A Record of the Easter Sunday Incident

I attest that this is a true statement of the events from that Easter Sunday, March 30th, 1975.

Author’s note: this post requires some background. First, before a 35-plus year career in wine, I had another life in music including two degrees and a short shelf life as a freelance classical musician. To that point, I played the trumpet from fourth grade all the way into my late thirties. And as any brass player would know, if you’re decent and can play a tune, you’re guaranteed at least two gigs a year at Christmas and Easter. That’s because any church with a decent music program and the budget to match hires brass players for those two festive days. These Christmas and Easter church gigs run the gamut from performing Bach’s Christmas Oratorio with a chamber orchestra, choir, and soloists, to a lone renegade trumpet player accompanying hymns with the choir and playing something catchy for the prelude and postlude music.

Second, an explanation of how this post was formatted. I’m a huge fan of Neil Gaiman. There’s a short story called “Orange” in his book “Trigger Warnings.” I urge you to read at least the story, if not the entire book. Odds are you’ll find either immensely enjoyable. Otherwise, for “Orange,” Gaiman used a questionnaire format instead of traditional narrative. Specifically, the text of the story is like a series of answers without questions. It’s not unlike a police report from a crime scene investigation. I used the same format for this post. Come to think of it, the events of that ill-fated Easter Sunday in 1975 have more than a bit of the unsavory and intrigue to them. With that, read on.  

A record of the Easter Sunday incident

1.     It happened on Easter Sunday in 1975.

2.     A Pentecostal church in Albuquerque. I think it was a Church of Nazarene.

3.     My friend Rudy Harper was playing the other trumpet part with Dave Aslin on trombone, his then wife Julie playing French horn, and Barney Metzner on tuba.

4.     It was the third service of the day. We had already played a sunrise service and mid-morning service at another church. We were exhausted by the time we got to the rehearsal that afternoon.

5.     The guy who directed the choir at the church was in the chorus at school (UNM). He contacted Rudy about the gig. He said it would be easy.

6.     He lied. There was a lot of playing. He even arranged the Halleluiah Chorus for brass quintet.

7.     It was unplayable. He scored the violin parts for the two trumpets.

8.     The rehearsal went OK except for the fact that the organist was a very old woman who was almost blind and who couldn’t really hear.

9.     There was a young woman helping her; turning the pages and yelling instructions to her. Like I said, she really couldn’t see or hear.

10.  Even in the rehearsal, the Halleluiah Chorus was a disaster. The old woman kept coming in on the upbeat full blast. The guy conducting had to keep stopping everything and he even yelled at her.

11.  The young woman turning pages finally stood right next to her and yelled at her when to start playing.

12.  The service was no better. At least the Halleluiah Chorus was the last thing we played.

13.  It was the same. We had to start the piece three times. She kept coming in wailing on the organ. The last time, the young woman had to physically grab her hands and stop her from playing. Somehow, we finished the piece.

14.  Afterwards, it was the part of the service where they save people.

15.  The preacher asked if anyone felt the spirit.

16.  It was quiet for a couple of minutes but then strange noises started coming from the congregation.

17.  A few people came forward to the front of the church and knelt in front of the preacher.

18.  He put his hands on their heads and they started blubbering and speaking nonsense in strange voices.

19.  It was creepy. I’d never seen anything like it.

20.  It was clear this was going to go on for a long time.

21.  Rudy motioned for us to get up and leave.

22.  We took our instruments and music stands, and followed Rudy to the door at the back of the altar.

23.  We were as quiet as possible.

24.  It was pitch black. We couldn’t see anything.

25.  We took a wrong turn.

26.  Instead of turning right after going through the door, we turned left.

27.  I was third in line behind Julie, who was following Rudy. Dave was behind me, carrying his trombone. Then Barney was last with his tuba.

28.  I heard Rudy’s footsteps falter and then Julie suddenly stopped.

29.  I crashed into her and then almost fell on both of them.

30.  Dave was able to stop, but the slide of his trombone went between my legs. Then Barney crashed into him, almost knocking us both over.

31.  It was a full-immersion baptismal font behind the altar.

32.  It was empty. 

33.  As he fell, Rudy yelled F**K!!! at the top of his lungs. Julie screamed. I think I yelped.

34.  We all started laughing hysterically. 

35.  The church was dead silent.

36.  Somehow, we got our act together in the dark and headed back down the hall. Then we managed to make our way out of the church.

37.  We waited outside in front in the parking lot. We didn’t want to risk the wrath of the congregation.

38.  Rudy waited inside at the back of the church for the guy to bring our checks.

39.  He was not amused. But he didn’t say anything.

40.  People glared at us like we were demon spawn as they left the church. I guess we were.

41.  We went to a BBQ place for dinner and drank a lot of beer.

42.  We were never asked to play at that church again.

I attest that this is a true statement of the events from that Easter Sunday, March 30^th, 1975.

Timothy R. Gaiser